Healing through Motherhood

Mothers and daughters are closest, when daughters become mothers. 

My journey into mommyland began with boys.   The longer I was at the job, the more my appreication grew for what my own parents had experienced.  It wasn't until I became a mother to a sweet, little girl that I truly knew how my own mother felt. 

The relationship between a mother and her daughter goes through many changes over the years and mine was no different.   She started as my role model. I played dress-up in her high heels and smeared lipstick on my chubby 5 year old face, hoping that one day I would be as beautiful as she is.  The teen years were a whole new dynamic.

You see.. being a teenage girl puts all kinds of strain on the mother-daughter relationship.   I was no exception.   I wasn't always the sweet, loveable girl you know today.  I was even more sarcastic and free spirited.  I was certain that my parents hated me and wanted to kill all things independant within me.   We butted heads on more than one occasion.   My biggest enemy was often myself.  I had to have the last word and was ALWAYS right.  I just knew they didn't understand what I was going through. 

Regardless of how much of a monster I was, the fits I threw or how much distance I wanted between us, she supported me from the sidelines.  Often silent and mostly unrecognized, but she was there doing what mothers do best.. loving her child.

When I brought home a little pink bundle of joy, I was surprised at how it made me feel.   The love for my child was a given, but the overwhelming urgency towards my own mother and grandmother took my breath away.   I immediately knew every ounce of pain I must have caused and regretted all of it.   I wanted to take back all of the spiteful words and undo the hurt. 

Having a daughter healed many of the wounds in our relationship I never realized was there.   After all of the years of fighting, my mother became my best friend again.  It seemed as if I had made a full-circle:: playing dress-up and wanting to be just like my mom to wanting to be like ANYBODY but her and then finally thinking that being like my mom would be the best compliment in the world.

a daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self.  And mothers are their daughters' role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships. 

~Victoria Secunda